I am eclipsed by the shadow of the bigger ideology. It’s the darkness of thoughtlessness. I am blinded on a bright sunny day. I am one with the bigger ideology and it is indeed night. I am now the evangelist of the bigger ideology!
The day I realize I am eclipsed would be hard to convince myself.
I am the caterpillar who keeps on feeding. I am always hungry for more – more of everything. Insatiable are my material desires and self- obsession. What I feed on also depends on what’s available and valued around me – the cultural baggage, the networks that I associate my net worth with.
The goal of nature is not to fill this place with millions of over grown, bloated caterpillars. Each caterpillar has a unique butterfly within, waiting to emerge and take flight. To transform into a butterfly, I definitely need to be a caterpillar first keep feeding my instincts – but there needs to be a pupa phase in my life of looking inwards for self realization and henceforth come out with my wide open wings.
The quality of the human society is determined by the eco system it provides to propagate this metamorphosis in each individual. The world is much more beautiful with butterflies spreading their wings, flocking from flower to flower, spreading love. I wouldn’t want to visualize a world full of over grown, bloated caterpillars found creeping everywhere fighting over the left over leaves on the bare plants.
I dwindle between the form and the formless. There is a very fine line between the form and the formless. What has form now becomes formless in an instance and the formless takes up some form in a moment of being. There is a rite of passage – a pain in the crossing over but the bliss after the pain is worth any pain. People who dwindle between the form and the formless are in constant pain of labor.
The term “real” to me is confusing. If something is beyond my sensory horizon, that does not mean it is non existent. Maybe my surreal is real for someone else as my sensory and thought horizons are my limitations very specific to me.
Image Art courtesy: Octavio Ocampo (Mexican artist who is known for his paintings illusion with a dual-image)
I look into your eyes and I can see your conscience sleeping. You have lulled your baby to sleep and whenever she has tried to be awake, you just rocked her to sleep again. You are panicked by the thought of the attention she demands while she is awake. You are not comfortable taking her to your workplace or any other place where you think you belong. But isn’t she your baby, a part of you. Try waking her up, see her awake –smiling, crying, babbling and playing. There is wonder, there is honesty and there is you – that is what I want to see in your eyes the next time.
As I travel more in the journey of life, I see twists and turns, broad & narrow lanes, crowded and lonely paths – eventually leading to a destination that is not much different. What then really matters is not the destination but the journey. Once I am at my destination, I should look back and say – This was my journey of a lifetime and I loved every bit of it. It’s impossible to explore all the paths in a lifetime, life is meant to be a matter of making choices. Every choice brings with it experiences that becomes a part of me. Then the journey is me. The choices I make, the turns I take, the souls I meet all make the “me”. Freedom is the ability to make the “me” the way I want – good or bad or whatever in between. What if I am denied the freedom? What if I say it is all fate which is to say it is all out of my control, everything was pre defined – that takes out the personal responsibility in me. May be that again is a choice that we make – choosing the path of free ride or fate ride- where I wait for what “fate” has to offer.
I need the freedom to fail, to fall, to be hurt and be shattered. Let me gather the strength to pull myself from the shatter and move with the zeal like never before. I move forward after the fall in turn discovering my latent inner strength. Do not extend yourself so that I never fall, I have to find myself while I fall.
True Love is the strength of seeing the loved one fail, fall and in the process getting in touch with the inner spirit. Love would only be worried if the shattered is not gathered.
“Love is the ever-burning torch that one holds on the unpaved road to self discovery”
Happiness is not a permanent state of mind. We always get satiated with what was once the source of happiness. Someone said happiness is contentment. In true words contentment isn’t a complete state of happiness. Contentment is happiness in a miniature form like happiness in a bottle. Like filling up a little bit of the sea water and keeping it on the table reminding me of the great ocean, I once experienced. Contentment would mean I am no longer in the quest for more happiness. Sorrow too is not a steady state either. We get over any intensity of pain. After a certain point, the source of sorrow does not seem to impact us anymore. That is our human survival tactics, we are hard wired that way. Let me not try to make happiness my permanent state, either it is frustrating or it is a facade. We are made to ride the high and the low waves. The highs triggering the lows and the lows pushing itself to the new highs waiting to be explored.
From a delicate little sapling, grow up, spread out and withstand like the deep rooted tree. Be the abode to the multitude of birds, who flock in as the the sun sets and the darkness creeps in. Bear the fruits that nurtures the lives around. Let the seeds of goodness fall, spread and sprout for the children of tomorrow. Be the shelter, the shade and the breath of fresh air.
It takes a lot of inner strength for the sapling to grow into this tree of life.
My sensory experiences evaporate to form my thoughts. The thought vapor condenses into my actions; my actions drench the world around me leading to more experiences that would eventually evaporate to form thoughts.
While I am in my thought-o-sphere, I first see it without my physical eyes, zoom it for the intricate details, feel the touch, listen to the feeble sound, and taste the unique mix of flavors. Aaah! I am in my thought-o-sphere. The colors, the flavors, the shapes, sounds – all float around in my thought-o-sphere. The real world around me is a subset of my thought-o-sphere. My life can be as rich as my thought-o-sphere or as bland as my thoughtlessness.